The Frozen Heart

Departure

2011-02-11T01:08:00.003+08:00

You will always be in my heart & mind, even if you were to forget about me, my dearest friend.

Too many unspoken words between us, what regret I had sowed, what pain I had reaped

Phrases of wisdom.

2011-02-01T12:18:00.001+08:00

You reap what you sow.

How very true, but whats done is done, so no point regretting it.

Me Lady

2011-01-07T23:46:00.002+08:00

O Yea ! Yesterday was the best day i have ever had so far in my entire life !! Woooo !
Nevermind the details, i went out in the afternoon & met her to go out somewhere together, (For some normal friends reason ok thomas .. ) & i had plenty of fun ! Great afternoon i had, a chance to rare to refuse, i would say.
Hmm, I learnt loads of stuff, played with a giant millipede, experience life as a sight impaired person & somemore !

I wonder why i was so happy & active in total darkness .. Haha

Took some pics together & sang a chi song ? What the shit .. i need to listen to more chi songs, felt so wood when i am needed to sing a song with her as an activity.
When for a mini health checkup there, & we compared our results .. I have a slightly higher than normal blood pressure .. I wonder why ..

We shared a little choco bar .. & had some fun together. Spent 6 hours + with her, then we had to part, cause i am late for the chalet !
Hmm, I did not want to waste any more time when i alighted from the mrt, so i tried to take a cab .. A bus ride would be long. Mr taxi driver had a chat with me about politics .. What the hel.. I cant even vote yet man ! But nevertheless, it was rather amusing. Taxi driver uncle also seemed lost when i told him the destination that Elv gave me on the phone .. Quite vague actually, & jason was of more help.

Finally reached my destination 15 min later, & was greeted by some rather rowdy ppl who wanted to get the truth out from me of why am i so late .. Dear Alvi .. pls keep this to yourself k.
Well, it seemed that Jess helped to hoard some prawns for me, which from what i know, not many ppl had a chance to eat.. Then she served me some food ? Why is she so good to me i wonder ..
Asked me to wear a watch the gang all wears, so i did. Ling was kinda happy that day ? Had a chat with Ling, Yu, Wen yun, Yue yu & found out that maybe, just MAYBE, ling has something on with a younger boy ?
Then she strangled Yu, omg .. & thn hit me when i said that dating younger boys is alright ..
Played stacko & some cats which warmed up to humans pretty quickly. Aminah screamed when she brush past a cat, which caused them to disperse while i was playing with them halfway ? Comeon .. they are just cats, such sentinent beings. Then i had to leave caused Elv wanted to go home ........... Would have felt bored going home myself, so off i was with her as we live aaround the same area . Had a chat with her & KT on the way, which was not in the least normal.

Great day I had overall, hope i do well for my O's

Nature's Will & Christmas

2010-12-26T00:18:00.002+08:00

Christmas !! Nay, I do not celebrate christmas, nor do my family, but we do use it as an excuse to have fun & recieve free gifts !!! HaHa, I recieved a dinosaur fossil puzzle ! Its made of plywood !! & I love wood !

Regarding the class chalet that is due to happen soon enough, HOW DARE YOU THOMAS !! HOW DARE YOU NOT RETURN TO SINGAPORE BACK IN TIME FOR THE CHALET !!! Now Kest so sad till he cry .. & I have no man to tease & torment .. Now this is going to be so boring ..

Sigh .. I know, I just have the feeling that you think nothing of me other than just a friend, but yet i still carry on to hold onto this piece of thread of hope.
I know it's hopeless currently, & i have neither the chance nor an idea to proceed ..
I can only dream of you & hope that when i have become much much better, i will have a higher chance to woo you..
Our friend has lost herself in the sea of pain she refused to leave, although she forcefully believes so otherwise. The sea is just to vast for her, & she is stranded in the middle .. I love her & will still continue to do so, but her downfall has caused mush pain to me, & chances of me changing her life is next to naught ..
The 2 of you, so precious in my eyes, lost to me .. So close yet so far ..
I have no more hope now, so i shall just relish on this misery I have sowed & wait for a better chance next time .. Till then, i shall blend back in to the shadows & await the time for my return.
Vos Amo !

Negativity

2010-12-14T23:53:00.002+08:00

Misery, a pain, a parasite feeding off happiness. Even when i went to Phuket to get burned & distracted from my problems, this fiend wont let me off.
Summoned a fish it did, to snap at my pityful ear .. what sort of small fish leaves a dent & crack the ear bones .. Unlucky me had a painfully irritating burning ear the whole day ..

Even when i return, i found out that he has made his moves which are wickedly effective.
Ergh, more things to think about upon my return.

Envy
Jealousy
Pain
Misery

The four fiends of my current life .. Eating away what is left of me, bit by bit. Shattered are my defenses of the emotional heart.. HaHa, I have fallen again but this shall not be the last. I shall spend some time rebuilding my composure again & they will tremble under my will !

Tour

2010-11-30T15:01:00.002+08:00

Of to Phuket i shall go, to see some things unique there.
For the whole first week of Dec, i shall be there, hopefully, being closer to nature will enable me to see what must be done & what must be avoided. By nature's will, i shall heed thee signs.

I know not of what to do now, no idea of how to proceed.
Guess that i shall just enter hibernation of the mind & 'heart',
encasing my emotions in the frosty depths of my conciousness.
Once again, I shall become the golem who cares not for anything.

A decade later, I shall then decide again, what is best.

Ergh ..

2010-11-27T00:22:00.004+08:00

There are some things i have done, which i aint proud of either.. I plan my moves befor acting, but there are some things that are badly planned & backfires. These, i take it as a lesson.

Sometimes, i take risks, for i like them, & at the same time, it is also to gain superficial knowledge on the thinkings of others.. Seldom do i backstab ppl, veri rarely.. & even when i do, it aint something i am proud of, guilty yes, happy no !

Why do I do that ? Sometimes in life, there are ppl who are more important than others, ppl you feel so comfortable with that you will lower your guard & pour out things to them, also because they can keep a secret.. Sometimes they dont, & some are hurt, feeling betrayed ..

5 ppl i trust to keep things to themselves, all i love as a friend & for 1, perhaps more.

All display a strong sense of loyalty. This is what i feel, trust my instincts to get the better of me .. I hope, by the will of Mistress Nature, none of you will backstab me, & i too shall not to you.. Even if you do, please inform me so that i may take action to rectify the problem. It is nice to have ppl to listen to your views & feelings .. Hope some will come to trust me fully too ..

Life is always complicated, take heed to that, sometimes it may smash you hard in the face, but never fear that it is the end, for with it, a new start has been initiated. Peace be with you lot.

What I did on prom night.

2010-11-24T00:50:00.004+08:00

Prom is over, but allow me to rewind what had happened. ..

Warm the weather was, also humid as usual. With a woolen vest, I rushed down in my dark clothing to meet the bunch.
We thought we were puntual at 5.30, but alas .. It started only at 7.00. A waste of time i would say, but in favour for those who are very late due to the spell of illness.
{ My past frequent visitor, Doc Sicknes seemed to have a tour around recently, visiting my dear friends like Shu & Elv.}

Lady luck aided me, helping me to avoid the harm of stage fright, but even the forces of men could overpower her occasionally, & thus i was up .. Being greatly amused myself, i managed to curb the creeping tendrils of nervousness all too well. Nice girl my partner was, though i hav no idea who she was.
Back to the table with ferero in hand, & finding another bar of choco at my seat with a note. Ling with her strong sense of friendship, gave choco to 4 of her closest friend .. thus i recieved one, with a nice letter.
Flashes of camera light blinded my entourage, giving us hallucinations of little sparkles. Most were high, especially our good O MJ .. Who danced pretty lively on stage. Or rather, leading us in his cute little wriggle.

Ate little i did, but was compensated by the endless flow of coke which inflated my weakening stomach ..
Took many pics, with many diff ppl, have a chat with some, then journeyed home with a cute but impatient gorgeous girl.

Failed to carry out what I had intended, for time was too little. Overwhelmed with the fiend of nervousness, I could not look into her eyes without my heart threathening to erupt. Ended up summarising all up in one unromantic sentence which I am disgusted & unsatisfied with. A fleeting Hug was all I did, but amused i was, when she was stunned.
Stunned so badly she was, till she sweared, loudly moments later when i was walking off.

This was indeed an amusing & interesting night .. Hope All Goes Well.

A New Beginning

2010-11-22T22:54:00.003+08:00

Alumni I have becomed, Bored as a festering rock, without love nor fun.
Books I have came to rely on, to chase all boredom.
2 person on my mind, one troubling, one I have no idea how to deal with.
Fly off as you wish, if you want i will wait.
For you my friend, quit saying you want to die, in this post and that post and almost every conversation, it is miserable and ominous talk.

Friends I see, troubles all around, why is this world so so miserable.
The serene darkness tell me so, to survive, you must accept the truth.
So my friends, dont lose your heart for joy, life continues, as it always does in the end.
Endure girl ..